hindi na safe sa facebook!

 meron lang akong pinag iisipan at... hindi na safe magpublish sa facebook dahil andon na lahat ng pamilya mo. imagine pati mga 'bonus' na kapatid mo nakalink na rin sayo sa facebook. tatay. auntie. inlaws. old church friends. old classmates. kapitbahay. at yung mga nagbebenta na rin ng damit at sapatos.



bakit nga ba magkaiba ang priority ng nanay at tatay? ang nanay, ang priority - pamilya.  ang tatay - pagpupundar.

ano ang mas pagsisisihan mo pag nawala sayo?  kung pareho silang kailangan mo para mabuhay?

mag iipon ka nga para sa kinabukasan, pero hindi mo naman naranasan ang sarap na buo ang pamilya.  sama-sama lalabas. o mag lalaro. magpa-park.

o sama-sama nga kayo, pero matitiis mo bang hindi kayo makakain... ok, hindi naman masyadong oa, matitiis mo bang hindi maibigay sa anak mo ang mga kailangan nya? yung pag tinitignan nya yung laruan ng ibang bata tapos (naexperience ko to nong bata pa ko) aantay sya ng turn nya maglaro, pero sandaling-sandali lang dahil kukunin na uli ng bata yung laruan nya?

di ba ang universal motto ng mga magulang ay "gusto kong maranasan nya yung mga hindi ko naranasan dati"...

major major confusion di ba?

hay.....

the undecided me.

oh how i hate the fatigue that comes with my second pregnancy.  although it subsided a little coz im in my second trimester now i still feel sleepy most of the time, and i spend my whole off-day yesterday sleeping.

yet i gained nothing more than .95 pounds between my 2nd-3rd month.  i didn't know how that happened since i had a schedule of eating at 7am - 10am - 1pm - 4pm - 7pm - and sometimes at 10pm.  and i drank a lot of soft drinks and ate a lot of ice creams.  oh well, moving on...


after deciding and undeciding and then deciding again to stay in manila when we go home in december, i now can't wait and i've stared at my house models the whole morning and afternoon, thinking about the future and the reality that i will take care of my children alone.  if candy didn't call last week (she gave birth recently) to ask how to clean her baby's belly button, i never would have realized how lucky i was to have francis do everything when i gave birth before.  for the frightening first week at least.  and so i contemplated again about leaving him here.

but, to my sister's despair when she finds out, we have both decided for me and our two children to go home.  there were so many explanations and discussions to come up with that decision but we both agreed to buckle up and gear for the ride, or so they say.

and im not going to justify our decision, ok.  we both agreed.  we both are involved. so we both will take the consequence.

anyways on a lighter note i have found a lot of old friends in facebook recently.  it makes you realize how people change and how the past seems so good to come back to.  but the good thing is that we have all found our happy place in the present.

i still haven't made my personal rave about too-faced shadow insurance and urban decay primer potion, but with thousands of reviews in the internet, i don't think i'll add more.  i was just happy to have them.  and i am now longing for their sustainable shadow box... wheee...

and you know what i realized this morning?  that sparkling gray cream liner is better than black!  its the 'lava' cream liner from smashbox.  i was surprised! i still has the dark effect that i want, plus it has sparkles that lifts up my eyelashes, i love it so much!  pix soon, you know what they said about photos and pregnant women hehe!

tgif, lame PCs and apologies

yes!  finally.  although it did come so fast.  i hope every week in bahrain is like this!

this week was so stressful, unlike before where i had to tend only for the office stuff, now i also have to manage my boss' international correspondence for his two new shops.  supplies and materials and quotations, even shipping...

and today, i have to walk a kilometer to get back to the office coz i went to the german embassy to take his daughter's visa.

apart from that, earlier this week my lame pc at work proved how deficient it is by pretending to have a virus and then totally crashed my system.  for 4 days i had to contend with using the internet for our mail server.

when it finally came to itself it tried to install my printer's driver for one whole morning.  imagine installing for one whole morning.  what a dingbat.

i thought i could go to the mall this afternoon but irish bailed on me at 4pm saying she's still at work.

so i just slept the whole afternoon.

and when i woke up i realized that my period is delayed for 4 days.  it's not unusual.  it usually is delayed for 4 days, problem is i have a weird feeling in my lower stomach, like ive been doing situps or something.

if jared is indeed going to be a kuya, then for sure ill go home for good on december.   i have no plans yet, but i know by that time i'll have enough to start our apartment even for just the first two floors.  then ill come back to work and try to finish the third floor when they are at least two years old.

i get kind of excited thinking about this!

anyways im gonna see jared tomorrow in ym.  his grandmother started getting dramatic again last week, and i apologized again for hurting them, especially to my father in law, because in all fairness to them, they do take care of jared the best way they can.

and my father in law really made my stay as comfortable as possible.  it is his feelings that i was concerned that most.

but i am so thankful that my biological mother is the most understanding mother of all time.  she doesn't shout back, she doesn't walk out.  she will take everything for my son.  what an unconditional love that i rarely see these days.

i also apologized to her.

my activist sister, however, tried playing games with my mind again, torturing me with her manipulative chuvaness.  i sometimes think that my son is so lucky, coz so many people are concerned for his well-being.

im slightly optimistic about the situation but to be realistic, i kind of tipped the balance between the two families and yeah, i think i am a little catastrophic.

if i am indeed pregnant, then maybe it is a sign.  anyways im still a little confused about my situation.  my crossroad never leaves, really.  it appears in every street, in every situation, in every decision.

money money money

sigh, and i thought i had enough!

upon months and months of trying to save for my trip to manila this christmas, surprise expenses are popping in every direction.

i don't have too much money to spend, but i have enough, and hopefully there will be no more deductions, and in my desperate attempt in saving i have even tried the lottery.. hehe, you never know right?

so with regards to the up and coming new year, i have devised a plan not to be debt-free, (coz lets face it, credit cards are just way too awesome to give up, right?), but at least financially-manageable.

self-tip #1:  get a loan.

they said there is a good debt and a bad debt.  good debt is when you use your borrowed money to invest in proper things, while bad debt is when you use it on holidays trips, expensive material things you have dreamed about since forever, or just spent it little by little until you realize it's gone.

so my plan is not to get into further debts, but to use it to pay off and cancel one credit card, specifically citibank, because it has a higher interest rate than bMi, and start building the apartment i have been planning forever.

because upon finishing the apartment, i will have enough budget to get by (house, grocery, loan, baby, piggybank, and the remaining credit card -bMi) and our income from the apartment's rent will be our savings.

in two years, the apartment's rent will be enough to pay off my loan balance or to buy another lot and continue the cycle of good debt.

self-tip #2: stop using the remaining credit card.

yes, we have that illusion that we can buy anything we want, as long as we use our credit cards.  unfortunately, whatever we buy has to be paid eventually.  and worse, we do not have the common sense in buying because we do not hand out real cash, so we splurge and think only about the minimum interest rate that we have to pay monthly.

wrong.  if you total all the interest you have paid in one year, you will think twice in using your credit card again.  especially if the interest rate is high.  so i give myself one year to say bye-bye to my remaining credit card.  really.

self-tip #3.  set up a realistic monthly budget.

ever since, i have to calculate first my monthly budget to know how much i can spend on nonessentials, or if i have any.  so this year's goal is to assess the profits and losses, coz once i see how much i can save, it encourages me to set it aside.  you might want to try it, you'll be surprised at how much you can save in one year!

self-tip #4.  materialize your goal.

this is the year!  i will start working on our plan and i will give myself two or four years to finish it.  if only i had known earlier that this is what i want, then i would have started earlier, but better late than never.  no more delays, no more excuses.  who knows what will happen in the future, and i might never have this chance to save up again?

self-tip #5.  relax.  and stick to it!

yes, i am tight-fist when it comes to money.  but hopefully if my plan goes well, ill stop worrying about finances, coz i know i shop when im stressed.  this year, i am gonna chill, since i have started my goal and i have set aside the expenses and savings.

i hope i can stick to it though!

eyes on the goal

2 days to go and i have to finalize my decision if i will stay or not.

my sister said if only she's sure that we wont end up as a broken family then she'll vote for me to go home. yes, to be realistic, men really can't be left alone.

so to stop this confusion, i have printed these layouts i made since last year to emphasize the reason why i need to stay:

the first one is the ground floor, with a space for a car.  yes, kasama sa dream ang car, hehe!

obviously i will have some tenants in the ground and second floor, so kasama rin sila sa pangarap ko...

and the only floor that i added colors to is our house, on the third floor.  i placed a crib for a girl coz i sometimes wish the next one would be a boy, then our third will be a girl.

and of course it wouldn't be a complete manila house if it doesn't have a rooftop right? so that's on the 4th floor.



i am planning to save for this during my last two years here in bahrain.  hopefully when jared is 3 years old we can settle in.

hurry up 2 years!!!

la casa de mis sueños

my dream house, i designed it in sweet home 3d, a free software you can download to design your house, a long time ago. it's on the third floor, because the first floor's the garage, ill have the 2nd floor rented but i want them to have their own stairs, and the third is ours.

since we already have a place of our own, we just have to save for the actual building... i think 2 years is enough for that.



everytime i miss jared i just think about this house. this is what makes me stay here and save up. by the time jared's ready for school i will be in manila and i will send him everyday and pick him up, with matching umbrella.



*emo*