00001 post in 02010

so... two weeks after i return to bahrain and im still zoning like a zombie...

just going with the flow, waiting for each day to pass so i can go back to sleep.

nothing interesting to say in the office.  and i also went back to snoozing my alarm, maybe because i lost interest in cosmetics after my '10-days of no makeup' drama in manila. or maybe because i don't have new stuff... haha, whatever... i have bought my most delayed and most hindered nyx lip gloss in ebay. and bare escentuals medium tan.  im going to try a darker shade just for a change.

also, the most glorious moment in mommy-jared relationship happened when i left.  jared was brought to my sister's house and as my mother let him knock on the door, he shouted 'mom'.

i miss him, but not in the same way that i missed him before my vacation.

in a way, before i left, i was missing the baby that i took care of.  the one i knew and the one who thought i was his world.  when i saw last december that he survived without me, that he will run to anybody but me, that he calls to them and not me, i was rejected inside.  and the whole time i was there i was seeing a baby who is someone i don't know.  with different likes and dislikes, different moods, who walks and talks (actually, he babbles) and i did not have plans to make him like me.  coz what will happen when i leave?

so i just let the days pass by and i was content to watch him in his daily joys of swimming in the floor (or the plaza's stage), sleeping with dirty feet and drinking milk that i tried to change to a better one and ended throwing his stomach up.  i was like an outsider.  and i accepted that.

when i walk to the office or back to my house i avoid the humans with strollers.  i was half-crazy even in my own standard of craziness.

and until now, i still don't know how to make time pass quicker.  or what to do to make me interested in my surroundings.  when i go back home i spend 90% of my time sleeping.  and my husband doesn't complain, it was our inside joke that his wife is his computer and i'm just the mistress...

10 minutes before i leave the office... now what am i going to do with my night...?